What happens now?

There is more than one voice in my head. 

There are several emotions running through me daily.

But one I know all too well; FEAR.

She’s become my nemesis.

My safe place when I need to hide and wallow in self-pity so as to escape my social anxiety.

Hello Fear. Feels safe to be back in your all too familiar chains.

This i ought to break free from but where to next?

You’re all I’ve ever known.

You’ve got this hold over me that I can’t seem to shake off.

A new voice finally spoke up yesterday, I call her “Hope”. She reminded me of who i could be and the things I planned to do.

But that was yesterday…

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Ill and frustrated but this is nothing new. This is the new cool for me.

Feels better than depression which has been speaking out all too loudly most recently.

Today, I decided to listen only to Failure. She seems to have memories that are dark yet shockingly pleasing. Better than my reality it’d seem.

Failure speaks softer than fear yet Fear is whom I’m most afraid of.

This is today but what happens tomorrow?

Who would choose to speak up?

Hello love. Hi Comfort. Where are you Happiness? Peace, when will you find me?

Are you there? Can you hear me?

All they whisper is “I’m scared too” …

Scared you won’t let us in. Scared you won’t let us stay. Not just today but everyday. 

As soft as we speak, so also is how swiftly we leave if you don’t take heed…

Caution! … they say. This road you’re threading on leader is a dangerous one.

Still I argue, “I am your leader. I get to choose who speaks out and who I listen to”

I am a hoarder of pain, I am a swimmer in the pool of shame.

I am Fear and all that holds me back. 

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Optimism comforts me.

One thought on “What happens now?

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